My Grandma died 2 weeks ago today. One week ago I returned from her funeral, but I am going to back up a little bit further. I can't tell you all the details of how my Grandma died, but way back in August when we had our family reunion my Grandma was really thin. I really didn't think that much of it probably because my grandparents don't lead on about anything. Well, come September-October she started getting really week. She went to see the doctor sometime in October and was diagnosed with cancer. When I first heard, I really wanted my Grandma to get better to fight it like she did last time, but as time went on she just kept getting weaker. At first I was really mad. I couldn't understand why she was not fighting to stay alive, why was she giving up. Then I don't really know how it happened except that it did after counseling with Gaupo about death, dying, cancer, and giving up; much prayer and scripture study, and finally humbling myself to the will of the Lord. It didn't happen all at once, it happened little by little, but my heart softened and I knew that whatever the Lord's will was even if it was to take my Grandma back that it would be okay. That doesn't mean that the day I found out that the cancer was all over and that it would just be week before she left that I didn't cry or still want her to get better, but I was comforted. I was comforted by the scriptures that talk about joy, peace and rest. I learned from the scriptures about obedience, and love. I was not alone.
The tender mercies didn't stop with just the softening of my heart. I was very blessed to be able to video chat with my Grandma. I got to tell her I loved her and I got to hear that she loved me. It was a miracle because my Grandma and technology are like mighty foes, and we even had some troubles getting it set up. I was sure that while we were setting it up she would just say, "Augh, technology! Just don't worry about it." She didn't though, she hung on and I got to see and talk to her for the last time. I had a really good cry that day. My kids were kind of looking at me like "what is wrong with you."
To make a story kind of short, my Grandma died about 2 weeks later (I think). It was Nov. 14. My mom called that morning and Gaupo answered my phone, so that lucky guy got to deliver the news to me. Honestly, I had been waiting for so long (or so it seemed) I kind of knew it before he told me. I didn't cry right then like I always thought I would. I did cry when I was alone in the shower and had time to think. I did cry and I was sad, but at the same time so glad that my Grandma didn't have to suffer anymore. She was back home.
Her funeral was the following Saturday. Which actually was great timing, because Veteran's Day was Tuesday and since that is a Holiday at the Library we didn't have to rush and only had to take a day a half of vacation. Anyway, my brother and his family flew in from Texas on Thursday. Then they left for the funeral on Friday morning and we left after Gaupo got out of the Lab. We drove the whole way to Swanlake. Its not too bad if you start in the morning, but oh buddy when it lasts till 11:00 at night it seems like FOREVER!! Anyway, we finally arrived and sacked out for the night. We got up in the morning and the girls got to play with their Grandma and her toys. We had breakfast and then went to the viewing.
Everyone was kind of worried about this and rightfully so. I had not been to a viewing since I was about eight and it was super traumatic. It was the viewing of my Nana and I took one look at her in her casket and lost it, for like the whole funeral, and have really had no desire to go to another one since. However, I willing went to this one and I am glad I did. My Grandma looked very at peace. I know she wasn't in her body that wasn't hard to tell, but it was different I had such a better understanding of it all. I knew that she was at peace. I don't know it was just good. I still didn't hang around long because that is not my favorite thing and all my cousins were around. Anyway, they gathered all us cousins together so we could practice the Hymn we were going to sing--Abide With Me Tis Eventide. Then the great-grandkids and a couple of grandkids practiced their song I Love to See the Temple. Then we visited until they called us to the family prayer. My Grandpa offered it, making it seem that much more like one big family prayer. Then we went to the funeral. It was a wonderful celebration of her life. My Aunt Shara gave a sketch of her life, my Uncle John gave a talk and I remember it was good, but I don't remember exactly what he said. Then my Grandma's brother Joe talked. They were all really good. Kylee joined the great-grandchildren in singing and did a great job. I enjoyed singing the with my cousins. It was kind of emotional but very good. Then we went to the graveside. It was my very first. We got to do a floral tribute, which I really liked. What happened was all the honorary pallbearers and pallbearers placed their boutonniere on the casket, the granddaughters got a carnation to put on it, then then her children got to put a rose on it. It was just a nice way to say "until we meet again."
Then after visiting we headed to the Virginia church house for the luncheon. Wholly Molley that tiny ward put on a huge dinner. We had enough leftover to do a linger longer for the whole ward the next day. Anyway, we visited had dinner, and visited. We enjoyed being all together. I wish there were more places where we could all gather together. I wish there was a way to have dinner all together where you could talk to everyone, but such is not the case and it was very nice to do it in smaller groups.
That night it was just me and my siblings. We just visited and enjoyed one another. We got baths and showers and prepared for Sunday.
Sunday, we went to Virginia Ward. It was great to be surrounded by people who knew and loved my Grandma. The meetings were good and the linger longer afterwards was great. I got to visit with the Tafts. They were so funny. I was informed I should get my concealed weapons license and carry a gun. They are such a funny couple. Anyway, after eating we went home, put the kids down for a nap and enjoyed a wonderful Sunday.We did have to say goodbye to the Kara, Seth, Kitt, and Klaire. That was hard.
Monday, was just more being together. Although, that night my Uncle John and Aunt Karen came up for dinner, Family Home Evening, and games. It was a fun day and night. I think we all just enjoyed not having to be alone.
Tuesday we had to leave, but luckily I got to take Jack and Lindsay and their family home with me. However, our heater in the car was broken so I froze on the way home. My kids were fine and Gaupo said he was fine, but I was cold, it could have been because I had no socks or shoes on. Also, we decided to go by way of Ogden Canyon and got pulled over for going 76 in a 65. AHHHHH, that is annoying and nerve racking. We have pretty much decided that for us, that way is not faster and takes more gas so we will probably never do it again. Anyway, we got home and that night we just pretty much settled in.
Wednesday, we hung out. Had breakfast, tried to do a workout, and went to the Library. That afternoon Lindsay and I snuck off to Hancock Fabrics and the Grocery store. That night we made brownies and played games.
Thursday, I went back to Hancock Fabrics to get some patterns that went on sale. We visited, and let the kids play. During naps Jack and Lindsay returned their rental car while I watched most of the kids. That night we had the missionaries over for dinner. I changed up the tradition and we had Julia's Beef Rice Casserole. (I had to have something gluten free) Then had ice cream for dessert. That night we played video games and chatted.
Friday, we mainly hung around. Although, I did take our car into the mechanic. It turns out that it is just barely ready today and we had to replace the heater core. But it works, Yeah! Anyway, it was fun to have Jack go with me. I really enjoyed having that small moment of one-on-one time with him. I wanted to take the kids somewhere to play, but the weather was crazy cold and I only one car. So, we just hung around. That night we played board games and had peanut butter popcorn, except the popcorn popper broke, so we made half peanut butter popcorn, half peanut butter cereal and nuts. It was actually really tasty.
Saturday, Kylee woke up sick. So, Gaupo went to clean the church by himself because Kylee wanted her mom. When he got back I took Jack and Lindsay to the airport. It was really hard to let them go. I loved having them and their kids around. I loved playing games together, talking, and not being alone. I think saying goodbye also made the reality of my Grandma passing away set in a little more fully. In any case, I really didn't want to let them go home, but I did. I loved having this family at my house for four extra days. When I got home, it was snowing like crazy, we had lunch and put the kids down for naps. Then it was pretty normal. I prepared my lesson that evening and then went to bed.
Sunday Kylee was still sick. So, we took her just to sacrament meeting. I stayed and taught my lesson, and Gaupo had to miss teaching primary and getting set apart in his new calling as 2nd Counselor in the Elders quorum. Other than sick kids we had a great Sunday. I even got my favorite meal of biscuits and gravy for dinner.
Since then its just been cleaning stuff up and getting outdoors if the sun shines long enough to even hint the air might be warm.
Props to you, if you hung in all the way to here. It was a long post, but I really needed to document my feelings and the funeral of my Grandma.
The tender mercies didn't stop with just the softening of my heart. I was very blessed to be able to video chat with my Grandma. I got to tell her I loved her and I got to hear that she loved me. It was a miracle because my Grandma and technology are like mighty foes, and we even had some troubles getting it set up. I was sure that while we were setting it up she would just say, "Augh, technology! Just don't worry about it." She didn't though, she hung on and I got to see and talk to her for the last time. I had a really good cry that day. My kids were kind of looking at me like "what is wrong with you."
To make a story kind of short, my Grandma died about 2 weeks later (I think). It was Nov. 14. My mom called that morning and Gaupo answered my phone, so that lucky guy got to deliver the news to me. Honestly, I had been waiting for so long (or so it seemed) I kind of knew it before he told me. I didn't cry right then like I always thought I would. I did cry when I was alone in the shower and had time to think. I did cry and I was sad, but at the same time so glad that my Grandma didn't have to suffer anymore. She was back home.
Her funeral was the following Saturday. Which actually was great timing, because Veteran's Day was Tuesday and since that is a Holiday at the Library we didn't have to rush and only had to take a day a half of vacation. Anyway, my brother and his family flew in from Texas on Thursday. Then they left for the funeral on Friday morning and we left after Gaupo got out of the Lab. We drove the whole way to Swanlake. Its not too bad if you start in the morning, but oh buddy when it lasts till 11:00 at night it seems like FOREVER!! Anyway, we finally arrived and sacked out for the night. We got up in the morning and the girls got to play with their Grandma and her toys. We had breakfast and then went to the viewing.
Everyone was kind of worried about this and rightfully so. I had not been to a viewing since I was about eight and it was super traumatic. It was the viewing of my Nana and I took one look at her in her casket and lost it, for like the whole funeral, and have really had no desire to go to another one since. However, I willing went to this one and I am glad I did. My Grandma looked very at peace. I know she wasn't in her body that wasn't hard to tell, but it was different I had such a better understanding of it all. I knew that she was at peace. I don't know it was just good. I still didn't hang around long because that is not my favorite thing and all my cousins were around. Anyway, they gathered all us cousins together so we could practice the Hymn we were going to sing--Abide With Me Tis Eventide. Then the great-grandkids and a couple of grandkids practiced their song I Love to See the Temple. Then we visited until they called us to the family prayer. My Grandpa offered it, making it seem that much more like one big family prayer. Then we went to the funeral. It was a wonderful celebration of her life. My Aunt Shara gave a sketch of her life, my Uncle John gave a talk and I remember it was good, but I don't remember exactly what he said. Then my Grandma's brother Joe talked. They were all really good. Kylee joined the great-grandchildren in singing and did a great job. I enjoyed singing the with my cousins. It was kind of emotional but very good. Then we went to the graveside. It was my very first. We got to do a floral tribute, which I really liked. What happened was all the honorary pallbearers and pallbearers placed their boutonniere on the casket, the granddaughters got a carnation to put on it, then then her children got to put a rose on it. It was just a nice way to say "until we meet again."
Then after visiting we headed to the Virginia church house for the luncheon. Wholly Molley that tiny ward put on a huge dinner. We had enough leftover to do a linger longer for the whole ward the next day. Anyway, we visited had dinner, and visited. We enjoyed being all together. I wish there were more places where we could all gather together. I wish there was a way to have dinner all together where you could talk to everyone, but such is not the case and it was very nice to do it in smaller groups.
That night it was just me and my siblings. We just visited and enjoyed one another. We got baths and showers and prepared for Sunday.
Sunday, we went to Virginia Ward. It was great to be surrounded by people who knew and loved my Grandma. The meetings were good and the linger longer afterwards was great. I got to visit with the Tafts. They were so funny. I was informed I should get my concealed weapons license and carry a gun. They are such a funny couple. Anyway, after eating we went home, put the kids down for a nap and enjoyed a wonderful Sunday.We did have to say goodbye to the Kara, Seth, Kitt, and Klaire. That was hard.
Monday, was just more being together. Although, that night my Uncle John and Aunt Karen came up for dinner, Family Home Evening, and games. It was a fun day and night. I think we all just enjoyed not having to be alone.
Tuesday we had to leave, but luckily I got to take Jack and Lindsay and their family home with me. However, our heater in the car was broken so I froze on the way home. My kids were fine and Gaupo said he was fine, but I was cold, it could have been because I had no socks or shoes on. Also, we decided to go by way of Ogden Canyon and got pulled over for going 76 in a 65. AHHHHH, that is annoying and nerve racking. We have pretty much decided that for us, that way is not faster and takes more gas so we will probably never do it again. Anyway, we got home and that night we just pretty much settled in.
Wednesday, we hung out. Had breakfast, tried to do a workout, and went to the Library. That afternoon Lindsay and I snuck off to Hancock Fabrics and the Grocery store. That night we made brownies and played games.
Thursday, I went back to Hancock Fabrics to get some patterns that went on sale. We visited, and let the kids play. During naps Jack and Lindsay returned their rental car while I watched most of the kids. That night we had the missionaries over for dinner. I changed up the tradition and we had Julia's Beef Rice Casserole. (I had to have something gluten free) Then had ice cream for dessert. That night we played video games and chatted.
Friday, we mainly hung around. Although, I did take our car into the mechanic. It turns out that it is just barely ready today and we had to replace the heater core. But it works, Yeah! Anyway, it was fun to have Jack go with me. I really enjoyed having that small moment of one-on-one time with him. I wanted to take the kids somewhere to play, but the weather was crazy cold and I only one car. So, we just hung around. That night we played board games and had peanut butter popcorn, except the popcorn popper broke, so we made half peanut butter popcorn, half peanut butter cereal and nuts. It was actually really tasty.
Saturday, Kylee woke up sick. So, Gaupo went to clean the church by himself because Kylee wanted her mom. When he got back I took Jack and Lindsay to the airport. It was really hard to let them go. I loved having them and their kids around. I loved playing games together, talking, and not being alone. I think saying goodbye also made the reality of my Grandma passing away set in a little more fully. In any case, I really didn't want to let them go home, but I did. I loved having this family at my house for four extra days. When I got home, it was snowing like crazy, we had lunch and put the kids down for naps. Then it was pretty normal. I prepared my lesson that evening and then went to bed.
Sunday Kylee was still sick. So, we took her just to sacrament meeting. I stayed and taught my lesson, and Gaupo had to miss teaching primary and getting set apart in his new calling as 2nd Counselor in the Elders quorum. Other than sick kids we had a great Sunday. I even got my favorite meal of biscuits and gravy for dinner.
Since then its just been cleaning stuff up and getting outdoors if the sun shines long enough to even hint the air might be warm.
Props to you, if you hung in all the way to here. It was a long post, but I really needed to document my feelings and the funeral of my Grandma.
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| This is one of my favorite pictures of me and my Grandma. Yep, she loves me and I love her. |
