Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Thoughts On Dreams

We aren't doing anything special around here. We are just doing school, work, swimming, lessons, and playing. Kind of the same as always. We are all doing good things though. Tia is progressing really well in her speech, I think the majority of people understand most of what she says. Kylee is working hard in school and has recently learned how to tie her own shoes. I have continued to workout and it is totally blessing my life. I have so much more energy and organization to my day. I can't explain the difference in words, but I promise you it is very real. Gaupo is making good headway on his school projects. He is also still working hard to provide for us. We are so blessed to have him. So although nothing much is changing around here, it feels good where we are. We are all growing in our own small or big ways. Let me just tell you Heavenly Father knows each of us and our circumstances, abilities and talents, and he blesses us and tests us in and with those things we need most. If we will always trust Him, He will take us where we need to be.

All that said, and because I don't have any significant life stuff to blog about I thought I would talk about dreams. This is partly produced from watching Ice Princess tonight with my girls and it has been something heavily on my mind this year. Now, I also hesitate to write this because I don't want people to get false ideas or hope from this post. Dreams are something I fantasize about may or may not ever come true. They are not a goal, I don't constantly work towards them. They are just a fun thought, a place to tinker when I want to.

Dreams are funny that way. They change and evolve. You get new ones all the time. Like every time I watch Ice Princess or really any sports movie where the underdog does great things, I dream about doing that. Dream about learning I am amazing at something and then overcoming all odds and doing it. I remember how when I was younger I always thought it would be so cool to go to the Olympics. I remember one time I wanted to do it as a figure skater and another I wanted to do it as a bobsledder, and another in sand volleyball, and another as a ultimate player (now that that is an Olympic sport). But, those really are just dreams, because I don't have any desire to do what it takes to be that good. The reason why is because even though the chances of that dream coming true are like none, right now I get to live my dream.

I really always did dream about becoming a mom. I knew I always wanted to be a Mom. I also wanted to have a bus load of kids. I finally settled on 8 kids because if we had 8 then if me and my husband played with them at basketball we could have 2 complete teams. And I really did want to drive them around in a bus. Okay that would still be kind of cool, but once again never happening. So, am I living the exact dream I thought? No. Because even after I dated and married Gaupo and found out he had no desire to have more than 4 or 5 (which was fine), he doesn't play basketball. He doesn't like buses, and you know what we have 2 kids right now. I sure hope we have more, but I don't know for sure and I defiantly don't know how many. However, I do live a version of that dream. I am a mom to two wonderful little girls. I love it. I love sharing life with them. They make everything so much richer. Like sharing dancing in the rain, or a passion for rock climbing, or the skill of swimming is awesome. Watching them succeed at stuff they work hard to accomplish or watching them try something new and like or even not like it. I think those joys are so great because you also see them through when they are struggling and learning all the way to success. Also, this dream is lived with Gaupo, who is not the guy I dreamed about, but so much better. I love learning new stuff with him and comparing stories. I love our passion for food and making it the best. Supporting him and having him support me makes this family. So, I do live what I call the dream, but to be honest the dream isn't what I thought it would be. It is better but it is also harder, more confusing, funnier, and just different, but so much more complete than I could have imagined.

Just like when I was little and I had both possible and impossible dreams I have those now. They are so very different than then because different things matter, but you want to know my crazy dream?The one I don't really talk about because it is too crazy and confusing. It would give some people false hope and others total dismay. It has so many loose ends and not enough time. It is really crazy, yet not impossible. But before I tell you what it is please note, it is something I think about. I wanted to act on it and make some serious plans toward it, but I know now is not the time. Because yes, I have dreams and it is a totally great dream, but I am part of a family and I am a wife to a boy who has dreams too. That boy is living his dream. He works with computers and people everyday. He is a father, he provides for his family. He can sleep in and have vacation. In a lot of ways, I think he is living a part of his dream. I doubt in the way he thought he would, but just like me a version of his dream. And, not that my dream isn't important, but the time is not now, and I need to support him in his divine role of being the provident provider and head of our household.

That said, here it my most recent dream....I sometimes dream of moving back to Virginia to live in my Grandparents house, take over the greenhouses and run them while Gaupo farms the farm. I love Virginia, and I love the greenhouse. I enjoyed pretty much everything I did while working there except pulling weeds. I loved living in Virginia. I would love to have the opportunity to take this existing business and see if I could make it better. I would love to live in the country although I would deeply miss the closeness of stores, parks, and recreation places. I would love for my kids to chase the cats and have a dog like they so dearly want. I would love to teach my kids how to work, while working with them doing something I am passionate about. I would love to be close to family. I think it would be great to have the farm hung onto for one more generation. I don't know, it sound so simple when you just write down the overall general plan, but I promise you it is way complicated when you look at the details of it. However impossible this dream now seems, like I said before dreams are a place to tinker. So, when I have time, I think about how I could make it work. I think about how I would do it? What I would change? Would it / could it actually work? Do I really want to work that hard for that long? Could I really even do it? What things would I change? How would I make it us? Would Gaupo like it? What would he do? and then at least 1,000 other questions. I don't have answers to a lot and they are purely speculation, but its fun to think. I love to think. My mom use to say when we said we were bored "Good. It gives you time to think." I must have said it a lot or just learned to enjoy thinking, but I really do like it. I love to see where it takes me, because no two senerios are the same. Quiet thinking time is a gift, and so is the ability to have a space to write it down. That is why I love this blog. It give me time to think and reflect.

I love to have dreams. I hate dreaming at night whether the dreams are good or bad I don't like it, but I like having something to dwell on. I like having a place to imagine what if, and what would it be like. So, I hope my children dare to dream. I hope they have the courage to ask questions, and to think what if I could do that because I think dreaming does lead to action. It may or may not lead to the fulfilling of a certain dream, but it does lead  you forward. I know this is a super random post, but hey it happens. Sometimes we just need to spice it up with something different. Dare to dream people, our lives and world are changed all the time by people who dared to dream.

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