Some Days

The past couple of weeks have been amazing. I mean we have started so many thing and felt so good about thing. Plus things have fallen into place and I have felt great and everything. However, days like today happen. It isn't that anything feel apart. It isn't that things aren't right anymore it was just a day that I felt overwhelmed, off, and wanted to cry about 3 times. I didn't actually cry, but inside me I really wanted to. 

I honestly don't know why today I felt like it. It could be because even though we made amazing demo progress on Saturday there is still a lot to be done and we have to be more careful with parts of it. Plus, we are still have to build it all back and I wonder sometimes how long that will take and if there is enough time. It could be that we are going to sign for our loan tomorrow (at least probably). I hate loans they really freak me out. I mean I think we got a decent rate, and that we can afford it, but I still don't like that I will have this payment that is taking up money I could really use somewhere else. It could be that because we have drywall dust all over our basement I don't want to turn on the A/C and it has been quite warm here and so every night my feet and ankles swell and I feel a little crummy because I have had heat all day. Like tonight we went to the grocery store and it so cool I almost felt cold. It wasn't cold, but compared to my house it was really cool. Also because its hot I am not sure how well everyone is sleeping including me and that could definitely contribute to feeling overwhelmed and like I want to cry. So, nothing is awful or really different than it was before it just is what it is and sometimes it gets to you. 

However, those feeling were mostly this morning and this afternoon I felt a little better. Probably for a few reasons. One I took a bit of a nap. Seriously, sleep is good for people. I honestly have no idea how Gaupo lives on so little sleep. I also got all caught up on our finances and got things square away there and that really does always help me to feel better. I also prayed over my finances and everything that was worrying me. I didn't have peace spoken to me right away, but I was helped to be able to enjoy the night with my kids. To help Kylee with her homework, to not feel so anxious, to enjoy getting donuts for a treat, and have a little me time. So, I feel better. Nothing has changed since this morning, but Heavenly Father is watching over me. I will be okay, but I really do hate days were I don't feel on top of it. I love feeling like I have it all under control and am the master of it all, but I am not. Heavenly Father is. He remembers all, like kids that need to go to vision and so He reminds there mom right when they need to be going and they get there right on time, by nothing short of a miracle. He helps you keep plodding along even if he doesn't take away the obstacles or sail you through. I just know Heavenly Father is watching over me and I want to do my best to follow him and try to be like him.

Twins, Construction, and Life

When I sit down to actually write about our life, I sometimes think to myself that we just did the same stuff we did the week before. While this is true, our life currently has a couple of things that are ever changing.

Thing one is the twins. Luckily, they keep right on growing. This past week I had my twenty week ultrasound. Which means, we got to gaze at all their cool parts and find out gender. I am pleased to announce we are having one boy and one girl. Honestly I was hoping for 2 boys, but I  kind of knew it would be one of each and it just feels right. I am excited to have a little boy and a little girl. We told the girls by getting them a balloon and some sour patch kids. It was a good treat for all and kind of fun to think of how to tell them, so they might understand. I think these twins will be just what our family needs. They both are looking healthy and well, so that was good to hear. Ever since I have ultrasounds with no heartbeats it is always a welcome time to go and listen to those tiny hearts just beat and beat and beat. I love watching them wiggle and it pretty fun with twins to see them be so close to one another. These babies are both pretty wiggly, so our house should continue to have a great amount of energy in it. I am just really excited that everything is looking well, that I have a due date (Jan. 14), and that we are having a boy and a girl. I am still hoping these babies hangout inside until after December 25, but still looking forward to meeting them.

The girls with their balloons and candy.

Me at 21 weeks.

Baby boy.

Baby girl. I have no idea why the blog flips her pic like this.

This one is as best we can get of both. One is below the think white line and one is above. The thick white line is the membrane that separates the two babies.

Me around 20 weeks with all my kids. Its kind of fun to see.

Thing two that seems to be constantly changing now is our basement. This past weekend Jason dug the window well for the new egress window that we are going to be adding. It will be in the bedroom. We also got our asbestos test back clean, so we submitted our paperwork for the permit. Which means we can officially start demo, and Gaupo started that today. It is going to be quite a project tearing out everything. To be honest, it seems a little daunting, but I think we will get there. Gaupo is working hard and hasn't lost his enthusiasm yet, so hopefully it will still carry on. We also finished emptying the basement all  except for the swing. We hauled up all the toys and everything today and I can promise you I did not miss all these toys being upstairs. It is actually really hard for me to want to keep all of them and give my kids a change to play with them, because it means I have wall to wall stuff. There is no wall or corner that doesn't have something on it. However, I remind myself it is temporary. It is all going back down there, and it has a home other than right in my line of sight. It will be interesting to see how this project progresses and turns out. We still have a lot of questions and things to figure out but it will be awesome when its done. 

Jason at the beginning of the whole.

Kylee and Tia in the hole.

Other than those two things that keep us ever changing we mostly work, go to school, and play. Tia and I are getting use to and actually rather enjoying our time together. Tia keeps asking for people to come play and really I need to get better about inviting people over especially anyone that is her age. However, I love having my home to myself and actually I love having Tia to myself. Kylee is still loving school. She had a late start this past Wednesday, so I got some one-on-one time with her and that was a real treat. We did a couple of crafts. She made a bracelet and a mason jar ghost. They were both very cute. I love watching her grow and enjoy the times we get with her. I will be honest I enjoy her more on the weekends because when she gets home from school she is pretty tired. You can't super tell because she is really talkative, but man when it comes to doing homework or helping with chores or something watch out because the cute, nice girl from seconds before goes hiding very quickly. However, it is getting better and we sure love our weekend time. 

Gaupo is enjoying his new role at the library. He is a bit overwhelmed at times, but I think he is figuring things out and it is kind of growing on him. It will definitely be easier when he gets his replacement hired, but until then he just keeps going. I am kind of afraid we are going to wear him down too much with work and construction, but hopefully not. As for me, I am being a mom. I can't lie, I am enjoying my MWF mornings that I have to myself. Sometimes they are a little long or lonely, but it is kind of nice to have sometime to get things done that I need. I feel very blessed to be a mom and am loving reveling in the fact that this is what I get to do all the time. Although, sometimes it is overwhelming. Like today trying to get homework, baths, and dinner done all by myself before 6 was overwhelming and I kind of lost it at the end, but sometimes I totally get it right. So, I just keep working on it.

Prayer Answers

Wow, time is flying. I say that, but August felt like it was forever long. However, I feel like things are moving right along. We had gotten into the rhythm of school and I wasn't dreading full-day school as much, but then with us just finishing up a long weekend I truly long for summer once again. I love having my kids play and just doing life on our own. Its true that summer doesn't involve Gaupo being home like this last weekend did and so that would be a bummer, but I miss having Kylee around and we definitely missed her today when it was just Tia and I.

I told Kylee and my brother Jack this last week that you have to be careful what you pray for. Jack knew exactly what I was talking about but Kylee asked, "why?" I told her because Heavenly Father will answer your prayers and you need to be ready for the answers. Heavenly Father is richly blessing our family but if you had asked me 6 months ago what I would be doing and planning right now I can guarantee you it wouldn't be what I am doing. I would have hoped to be pregnant. I have wanted to be pregnant for a long time, but I would have never expected it to be with twins. But I love being a mom, so I am really excited for this adventure even though being pregnant with twins is getting uncomfortable already and I am possibly not even halfway yet. However, after I got over the initial panic of having to buy two carseats and that we were going to have to feed and diaper two babies I began to feel that this is what our family needed. I believed that this is what Gaupo and I needed to grow closer as a couple, but also what my family needed to grow.

As we continued to pray, I asked to know what to do to prepare for these twins. Well, at first there was just nothing. Then I got to thinking about our home and the space we have here and different things. I began to realize that what I thought would be my forever home, might not be able to work forever. So, Gaupo and I talked and prayed. Our first answer came in that we should take the self-reliance finance class offered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. We both thought that we needed to do this so maybe we could move to a new home. However, we shortly discovered that probably wasn't right for us, but that fixing our current home was. After asking our friend Greg Gabler about add-ons and basement finishes we talked about doing a lot of things and have finally decided to just redo the basement. Right now. You know four-ish months before these twins are suppose to arrive. But Gaupo and I are learning a ton about each other, miracles, loans, home building, and all sorts of things. I don't know if it will be done when the twins come. Gaupo says it will, I just hope the storage area is done, so that we can empty out the blue room. But, I do know this is what we are suppose to be doing and Heavenly Father is watching out for us.

Between twins, redoing the basement, taking a self-reliance class together, and having the kids in school we are plenty busy. It is totally crazier than I planned. To be honest, when I found out I was having twins I figured we would just wait till they got here and then they would turn our lives upside down and you know what they probably still will. However, I think our family has somethings to learn before they come. Somethings we have learned already is we can work and play. My kids are kids, but they are very helpful and are willing to help. This last Saturday they helped move a lot of stuff from the basement. They were a really big help. Tia was a huge help earlier in the week helping me clean off the shelves. I seriously probably have the best kids and they lovingly reassure me that these babies inside are good babies. I sure hope so. Gaupo and I have learned to work together. I have learned to let Gaupo lead, but also be an active partner. I can't do the basement project on my own, but neither can he. Together we get things done a lot faster. We are still learning a lot especially about communication, but I love it. I love working on this together. We will see how it goes and it goes. Then with the self-reliance class, I am really excited about it. We have had one class and I really enjoyed it. Gaupo couldn't come because Tia wasn't feeling well, but he did Skype in. Which is super impressive most times he would just say I will take the kids and then let me fill him in, but not this time. He even participated it was awesome. Plus we have had some good talks and discussions and we are working at it. We are pretty good with finances, but I think this will help us a lot and if nothing else feel prepared and like we can be wise stewards.

We are learning and growing and doing new things. Its crazy, but I love it and I love what it is doing for my family. Heavenly Father answers prayers. We have to be patient, and sometimes we just need to be ready to receive the answers. I know God loves me and my family and is trying to help us be successful here on earth. I am so glad he is watching over our little family.

Tia helping siphon out the water barrels.

Tia demonstrating how to use a beach umbrella.

Me and my belly.

Gaupo, Tia, and Kylee ripping up the carpet.

The Blue room as the temporary storage room.

Riding the wagon down the hill. 

Playiing after a good day's work.