I feel like there is always some kind of controversy over who is more important moms or dads, but the answer in our house is both. Both Gaupo and I are vital to how this home and family run and operate. We have different roles that are suited for our divine qualities, but we also run our house and lifestyle according to our different strengths and weaknesses. We are not perfect and sometimes I get cocky and say to myself I could do this, but the truth is I can't and I don't want to. Gaupo is a very calming force in this house. He is a provider, protector, and great counterpart to me. My kids need both of us working together for the best possible results.
Last week Gaupo went to Nashville for 3 days and 2 nights. Being really honest not much changed between the hours of 8 and 5 because he is working those hours and so our home is under my command while he is out. However, from 7-8 we normal get up, have scriptures, get dressed, make lunches, and start breakfast. Man, I had to be on my game to get that all done without him. My big girls had to step it up a little too. We did it, but it is so much easier when he is there. Because I have someone to help me when I don't quite make it. Then from 5-8, well that was a little tricky finishing homework and bed and stuff like that but we would make it. The big girls in bed a little later than they should be but still before 8. But from 8 till whenever I went to bed was kind of lonely. I really missed Gaupo being there to decompress with. When it was just me, I felt like I should be working on or doing something. I watched a movie one night and I had no one to talk it out with after and I was up till like Midnight! I decided that wasn't a good game plan, so I didn't do it again, but it just wasn't as relaxing at night without him.
Then from when I went to bed to when I fell asleep I didn't love either. I didn't love knowing he wasn't there. I don't trust myself to be aware enough when I am asleep to know if something is going on that I should be aware of, but I want to. I want to protect my family, but that stress for me makes sleeping not as restful as it could and usually is. Gaupo is our protector. I have always felt safe and secure wrapped in his arms. Even when were dating and I wasn't exactly sure how I was feeling, I knew that I was safe with him. I truly miss that security when he is gone.
As far as from 8-5 and being able to do that. I could while Gaupo was in Nashville because he was still being a provider while he was away. As I stood at the sink one night doing dishes after dinner and helping with homework. I thought briefly to myself, this isn't too bad, but then I realized that was only because I could just do this. I could still just be a mom. I could cook, help with homework, try to clean, take care of the house and kids, and I didn't have to worry about how I was going to fit work in because Gaupo does that. I couldn't do it if I had to do both. I can be the mom I am because he is the dad he is. He loves me and supports me. He is a voice of reason and calm when I am neither of those things. He is willing to try things and support our family spiritually, temporally and emotionally. We are who we are because we work together.
Many people asked once he was home if I survived while he was gone. To which I reply, "yes, it wasn't too bad. " I feel like the response should be "oh, it was so awful." However, it wasn't true. It wasn't awful because it isn't all the time. It wasn't awful because I was secure in knowing that Gaupo was coming back and was happy to come back. It wasn't awful because it was only 3 days. It wasn't awful because I had help from Heavenly Father to fill the gaps while Gaupo was gone. It wasn't awful, but I am sure glad he is home. I am so glad he has a job that helps and encourages him to grow and try new things. However, I am also glad he can come home and enjoy the choas here. I am glad enjoys homemade food, leftovers, pizza, sandwiches, and ordinary food. I am glad he can meet knew people, but glad he loves the 5 of us more than all the new ones he meets.
I need to beware of pride. I need Gaupo. Our family needs both of us. We make a good team.
Last week Gaupo went to Nashville for 3 days and 2 nights. Being really honest not much changed between the hours of 8 and 5 because he is working those hours and so our home is under my command while he is out. However, from 7-8 we normal get up, have scriptures, get dressed, make lunches, and start breakfast. Man, I had to be on my game to get that all done without him. My big girls had to step it up a little too. We did it, but it is so much easier when he is there. Because I have someone to help me when I don't quite make it. Then from 5-8, well that was a little tricky finishing homework and bed and stuff like that but we would make it. The big girls in bed a little later than they should be but still before 8. But from 8 till whenever I went to bed was kind of lonely. I really missed Gaupo being there to decompress with. When it was just me, I felt like I should be working on or doing something. I watched a movie one night and I had no one to talk it out with after and I was up till like Midnight! I decided that wasn't a good game plan, so I didn't do it again, but it just wasn't as relaxing at night without him.
Then from when I went to bed to when I fell asleep I didn't love either. I didn't love knowing he wasn't there. I don't trust myself to be aware enough when I am asleep to know if something is going on that I should be aware of, but I want to. I want to protect my family, but that stress for me makes sleeping not as restful as it could and usually is. Gaupo is our protector. I have always felt safe and secure wrapped in his arms. Even when were dating and I wasn't exactly sure how I was feeling, I knew that I was safe with him. I truly miss that security when he is gone.
As far as from 8-5 and being able to do that. I could while Gaupo was in Nashville because he was still being a provider while he was away. As I stood at the sink one night doing dishes after dinner and helping with homework. I thought briefly to myself, this isn't too bad, but then I realized that was only because I could just do this. I could still just be a mom. I could cook, help with homework, try to clean, take care of the house and kids, and I didn't have to worry about how I was going to fit work in because Gaupo does that. I couldn't do it if I had to do both. I can be the mom I am because he is the dad he is. He loves me and supports me. He is a voice of reason and calm when I am neither of those things. He is willing to try things and support our family spiritually, temporally and emotionally. We are who we are because we work together.
Many people asked once he was home if I survived while he was gone. To which I reply, "yes, it wasn't too bad. " I feel like the response should be "oh, it was so awful." However, it wasn't true. It wasn't awful because it isn't all the time. It wasn't awful because I was secure in knowing that Gaupo was coming back and was happy to come back. It wasn't awful because it was only 3 days. It wasn't awful because I had help from Heavenly Father to fill the gaps while Gaupo was gone. It wasn't awful, but I am sure glad he is home. I am so glad he has a job that helps and encourages him to grow and try new things. However, I am also glad he can come home and enjoy the choas here. I am glad enjoys homemade food, leftovers, pizza, sandwiches, and ordinary food. I am glad he can meet knew people, but glad he loves the 5 of us more than all the new ones he meets.
I need to beware of pride. I need Gaupo. Our family needs both of us. We make a good team.
You are so right about that. James has gone on a few trips for school, and though I manage all right, I feel like my family has a giant hole in it. I can't imagine ever doing it alone.
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