Mindset Change

 I am the Young Women President in our ward and one of the thing I do is try to mentor the oldest class of girls. Girls ages 15-18. I was really struggling with this calling and feeling like I was connecting with the girls, and really just struggling. There was a day when there was an activity that night and my co-leader said she couldn't come and so I sought out some mom's for help and learned that 6 out of 10 were not even coming to the activity. When I arrived and was about to start one more didn't come and so we had 3 our of 10 young women there. I also miraculously found another leader for that night. It really was a miracle. I said a prayer right before I called this mom and it went something like this,"Heavenly Father, I know she has never answered her phone the first time I have called ever, but I am out of time and pretty out of options. I need her to answer now. Please let her answer." I then called her and she answered and was able to help. Now, that should have showed me that those 3 girls were important to the Lord and, so even just three should be enough for me, but instead I just became more convinced that my young women weren't coming because they didn't like me. Well, the activity was fun good and the girls that came did have a good time, so win. 

However, I was still believing my young women didn't like me. That why had I been called when all I was going to do was make people mad and not want to come. Well, on Saturday I was cleaning my house and had a quiet moment and decided to listen to a podcast that a friend sent me. I rarely have time to listen to podcasts but I didn't listen to it. Honestly, I didn't love it but at the same time it taught me exactly what I needed. One of the things the author said was that Satan tells us lies and they are in second person. They will eventually change to first person when we begin to believe them, so we need to cast them out. Well, I realize that I was believing one of Satan's lies. No one had told me that they didn't like me, no parents had said my daughter refuses to come because you expect to much. Nope, no one. I knew none of that for certain yet I was letting myself believe I did. So, right then I said a little prayer to have help to cast this lie away. I no longer wanted to believe it instead I was going to believe that unless I heard otherwise no one didn't like me. 

Since then my calling and my ability to serve has increase. I am blessed it was that easy. The darkness that surrounded this calling for me dispersed and I could do it. It wasn't a burden. I could learn about those that come. Worry about those that don't. Love for real, and not out of obligation. Now, its only been two weeks, and I am sure their will be more things that come up, but for right now its great. This last activity I stayed late one because I felt I should make sure everyone got picked up even though I didn't have to and also because I wanted to hear what they had to say and they didn't ask me to leave. They didn't say this is personal please leave, so I didn't and I now know them more. Staying didn't feel as obligatory as it has in the past. Instead, I chose to stay because I wanted to be there. It was great. Then today I actually called my class president checked in on her and asked her, her opinion about a challenge to have more meetings and how she thought we should do it. I texted another girl just seeing how she was because I haven't seen her recently. It sounds so simple, but I couldn't do that before because I was thinking way to much about what they would think or if I was intruding or whatever. For me in this moment, I can move forward. 

Its different. I can't explain it very well, because so much of it was in my head, and then had an effect on everything I did. I still wonder about the bounds on caring verse nosy and if I am asking and expecting too much, but if I do its now more genuine that obligation and I am so grateful because I want to love these young women and this calling. The youth really are amazing despite their faults. I want to see what the Lord sees in them and I want to love them. It is so much easier to love when you don't fear. I am so glad the Lord helped me see.