Our Weekend--Derek's Graveside

Our weekend began Thursday after swim lessons. As soon as Kylee was out of the pool, we head to the mortuary to pick up Derek and then we were on our way to Idaho. The drive was thankfully uneventful and the girls did great. We saved a movie for the last part of the drive, and it really did procrastinate the impatient crankiness that is just inevitable after being in the car for 8.5 hours. Finally, around 7:20 we were in Swanlake. It was so good to get there. Grandma made us funky chicken and potatoes. It was super tasty and nice to have after a day of fast food/ trip food. We did visit quite a bit the night, and Gaupo worked on his homework a little, but eventually we all had to just give it up and go to bed.

I was worried about Friday. It was Derek's graveside. I was so worried that I would just lose it completely, that things wouldn't turnout right, that I would have regrets, or a bunch of awful things like that. However, it was perfect. We had a great breakfast to kickoff the day. I got some time by myself to read scriptures. In one of the verses, it mentioned afflictions and I took a detour in the tropical guide and found a couple of treasures.

1. Every time the righteous have trials and afflictions the Lord is with them. Not every time did he make them go away, or even lighten them. However, every time he was there to bless and help them. They were never alone. 
2. The scriptures in Alma about the Savior knowing how to succor his people according to the flesh. He knew about life and the pains and trial that each one of us would face, not that a mass of people would face, but that every ONE of us would. Because of the atonement he know how to help us according to the flesh. To me that means he really knows what I need in every way.
3. The part of the Atonement where Jesus took our burdens upon us. I was kind of wondering at this point why I hadn't lost my mind, or fallen completely apart and been an inconsolable mess. Or why I really did feel okay and peaceful and that even though it was/is hard that its also okay. True I wonder all the time about Derek and what would have been, but I know that because of the atonement he has literally shared this burden with me. I have not had the whole thing and because of that I can still enjoy life. I can still move forward with faith, hope, and knowledge. 

So, that scripture time really gave me what I needed for the day. We headed up to the cemetery around 10:00. I meant to be quite a bit early, but it didn't happen so we were just on time, but since it really couldn't start without us I guess we were on time. The actual graveside turned out just the way I had hoped. It was a beautiful day. Clear and warm. The perfect day (at least in my mind) for this little guys graveside. I don't need miserable weather on an already rough day.

For the service, Guapo conducted. Then we sang I Am a Child of God. Then Grandma (Gaupo's mom) gave the opening prayer. Then my Grandpa said a few words. It was wonderful. It was all about the eternal nature of families, eternal life, and that it was okay and natural for me to wonder what Derek would be doing, or how our family would be with him here. After my Grandpa spoke, Kylee sang a special number. She sang I Lived in Heaven. She sang all three verses with no help. It was perfect. I originally wanted her to sing I Know my Savior Loves Me. However, when I asked her if she wanted to sing at Derek's graveside she said yes, but she wanted to sing a different song. I asked her which one and she said I Lived in Heaven. I thought for sure on the day of the graveside she would back out, or change, but nope. That little girl knew what she wanted to do and didn't deviate and did a perfect job. Then Grandpa Merrill (Gaupo's Dad) dedicated the grave. We had a closing song, Familes are Forever. Then Grandma Hammond (Gaupo's Grandma) gave the closing prayer. Really, it was so awesome. Everything was beautiful and peaceful. 

After the graveside, we headed back the house. We had hoggie sandwiches for lunch. Which is so perfect. Hoggies are like my favorite thing. If you have good meat, cheese, and bread I am sure I could eat them everyday. So, we enjoyed food, and family. Then I got the girls down for a nap. When Kylee woke up we went up to the pond, so she could go fishing. That little girls is getting pretty good at casting and reeling. She loves fishing.

Kylee in her skirt fishing.

Grandma and I also took her in the paddle boat with her cousins and they all enjoyed that. Except maybe Arlen. I think he wanted to, but was still just a little nervous about it all. Anyway, super fun. When we came down from the pond we had snacks, and said good-bye to the Anderson's. Then we went on a "real" four-wheeler ride. For Kylee, this has to at least be up to the pond and back. We actually went out farther and I have decided that for me almost nothing is quite as therapeutic as four-wheeler rides in the quite county. It was so wonderful. The rest of the day was just spent enjoying. Gaupo and I did go back up to the grave around 5:00, just to make sure everything was squared away, but once home we had dinner and then sent the girls to bed. Then we just talked.

Saturday, we got up and going. We had breakfast and then left the girls with Grandma and went to Pocotello. I would like to say it was a for fun alone trip, but no it was business. We went and picked out Derek's headstone. I think we did a good job and I am very excited to see it complete. After we did that, we went to Winco and picked up food for a cookout and went home. We got home in time for lunch, which was tacos. Oh man, I love beans and meat on a tortilla. It was sooo good. Then it was naptime for the girls. I rested a little although, Kylee was being rather noisy and not taking a nap, so that was rough. (Sleep on this trip was just rough) However, after naps we rode up to the pond to help de-fly the cabin. We did the best we could then Grandpa sprayed fly killer in and we left to go home and collect all the stuff. We got it all rounded up and head up to the pond. It was pretty windy, but Kylee still got some fishing in. She wanted a boat ride too, but the water was too choppy, I was afraid we would get stuck out there. Tammi, Doug, Debbie, Wes, and a few of Tammi and Doug's kids joined us. It was fun. Around 7:30 we headed back to give the girls baths and bed. Everyone else followed shortly after because it started raining and they wanted to make sure they could get down the road. So, after the girls were in bed we visited and played games until everyone left and then we went to bed.

Sunday was good. Everyone in Swanlake told us how sorry they were and how they wished they could be at the service. They were so sweet. I played the piano for sacrament. I am really rusty, but it was really good to play. Church went good. Kylee loved primary and Tia really wishes they had a nursery, but it all worked out good. Then we went home had dinner and naps. Then Gaupo, the girls, and I went down to Granpa-Great's house to visit him. As always, it was way too short. This time it was my girls pulling me away, but I am sure glad I got to see him. I really wish I lived closer so I could visit longer and more often. Grandpa-great is such a wonderful man who is solid in is testimony of the gospel. It never ceases to amaze me. When we got home we had dinner and then got the girls down. Then we visited for a long time and went to bed.

Monday was definitely the hardest day. It was rainy and cold and we had to leave. It was so hard to leave. So much of me wanted to stay. It wasn't as hard as leaving Derek in the hospital, but it was still hard. It was hard to say good-bye to family and to leave my precious boy's body their trusting the Lord to watch over it. Not only was a it hard to say good-bye, but then I had the long drive to let me mind think way to much. It was kind of a rough day, but eventually Gaupo and I got wrapped up in a book and the time passed and we were home. It is good to be home. 

Being home is really nice. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and everything looks good, so I got the ok to resume regular activity WAHOOO!! wanna know the bummer...its super rainy and cold. Oh well, I can now care for my kids the way I like to. I honestly feel like I have more energy which is good, because I just got called this Sunday to be the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society. So, life is busy which is good. I still have time to think, but not too much time. I love reading the scriptures and the Ensign. It is kind of weird looking back on all that has happened because much of it seems like an eternity ago, but I am amazed at how I feel like I have grown in the last month. Life is good, live it.