We Wont Celebrate On Her Actual Birthday

This is what I told everyone. I said it so many times, but guess what? I got to excited and well we partied. Miss Tia turned two today. She has seemed like she has been two for along time, but today she is officially two. I took her into for her two year check and she is in the 90% for height which is amazing because I don't have a 90% anything close usually. She measured 2 ft.  11.75 inches. with a weight of 26.2 lbs which is 50%. Anyway, I apparently have a tall lean kid. Honestly she didn't seem that tall to me but I guess she is. Tia was a champ at her appointment. She cooperated perfectly with the doctor even going so far as to try and make it easier for him to see in her ears and nose. It was so cute to watch. Tia's development was great for gross motor skills and problem solving, but a little delay in fine motor and communication. None, of which are a real surprise. I really think she has the talent to do the fine motor things, she just moves so quick and doesn't really stick to something for very long that really she doesn't give herself the opportunity to try.

Tia is a wonderful, happy, sweet little girl. She goes and goes and goes. I honestly wonder sometimes how she keeps moving, because sometimes she is so sleep deprived I am sure that she will get whinny and cranky, but really she just goes and goes unless you tell her she can't do something--then watch out. (melt down) Anyway, the not sleeping thing is a little more recent. Hopefully it is just a stage and will soon pass. Tia loves to run, jump, laugh, climb, get into everything that is not hers. She loves to dress-up, play with Kylee, go outside, and make a mess. She loves dumping. She is not the biggest fan of cleaning up, but she LOVES dumping and is pretty good at cleaning up although she takes her sweet time. That is one thing about Tia she is really good at "not hearing" things when she doesn't want to do them. Tia is getting more and more interested in books. She can usually sit through a Fancy Nancy now, but she much prefers books about construction, trains, or animals. Tia loves undressing and putting something new on. Most days after nap time her hair is all taken out and her clothes are on different or are different altogether. She is almost always not in her pj's in the morning although if she is that is usually not good because it means there is a mess somewhere else. Usually in the bathroom--unrolled toilet paper. Tia has so many skills she can get almost anything she wants if I will let her. She is learning to color. She loves, loves her big sister, and has such a zeal for life. She is a real blessing in our lives.

Tia's speech is going well. She can now say: go, wa wa (water), ba  bye (sometimes), up, snow, book, duck, milk, off, on, Mama, Dad, moc (meaning moca the dog next door), out, cook (cookie), fish, nack (snack), more, and maybe a few more but that is mainly it. She can also now do the following sounds ruff, moo, neigh, vroom, mmm (meow), and baa. Her favorite songs are Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes; and Book of Mormon Stories. She know quite a few action songs and loves to dance to music.

So, that is the super short run down of Tia. I know it seems long, but trust me this girl is amazing and I could go on and on, but we need to get onto how we didn't celebrate her birthday (wink wink).

Last night I made Tia birthday sign, and blew up four balloons. I left the balloons on the couch with Grandpa-Great's birthday card. I also left a little bag in her room with a new shirt she could wear. She was half dazed when I saw her first this morning, but she had the bag. I held her and showed her what was in it. She seemed pretty out of it, but when I tried to put the shirt away she didn't want it in the bag. I helped her but it on. Then she still seemed kind of tired, so I cuddled her and then took her to my room and let her lay in my bed, while I read my scriptures. I love it when this girl cuddles. It is so awesome.

When she finally got to go downstairs she was so excited about the balloons. I wish I could show you the picture, but she isn't properly clad. We were still waiting for the steroid cream and lotion to dry a little getting her dressed. Anyway, her and Kylee played with those while Gaupo went out and shoveled the driveway (we got like 8inches of snow last night). When he got back in it was time to go to the doctor. So Gaupo took us there and we were hoping to get done in time for swim lessons, but we ended up not making it. Kylee was so sad. Anyway, we came home and a quick b-day breakfast of cheese eggs, toast, and hot chocolate. Then Tia opened her card from Grandpa-Great. She sure didn't want to let that 2 dollar bill out of her sight.

Here she is opening the envelope.

Then she opened her present from Gaupo and I of a basketball hoop and ball. (I actually found the hoop on the side of the road. I cleaned it up and it looks great. We do have another present for her because I didn't know we would have this one, but we haven't picked it up yet so she didn't get it today.) Anyway, the girls played with the ball and hoop for a bit and then played some more downstairs.

Opening her ball.

Slam dunk!

Playing with the hoop.

Then it was time to send Gaupo to work, so we had scriptures and prayers and let Tia open her gift from Oma. Tia loves her baby. It is so cute to watch her play with it. She will hold it, kiss it, love it, poke it eyes and nose, and the cutest thing is when she tickles it. Anyway, after she opened that Gaupo left for work and the girls played for a bit and then we had lunch and naps.

Opening it up. She is actually very good at getting that wrapping paper off.

It is a baby. It has dark hair, eyes, and skin just like Tia.

Pushing baby in the stroller.

Then when sister took over her stroller, she pushed the lawn mower.

Kylee rocking her baby. Tia getting all her presents was a little hard for Kylee, but she really did good.

During nap time I figured that we had started celebrating we might as well do it right. So I made brownies, so I could make a snowman. Well as I started a fiasco began. I got a phone call wondering what we should do about our activity. After about a bazillion phones calls we had everything worked out to keep it going and I get another call saying we might cancel it because the bishop thinks the roads are unsafe. So, after all that work it ended up being cancelled, so I had to undo a lot of the work, but it probably was for the best and I got to have a great night with my kids and write this post. So, it took me forever to make this "cake" because I had so many interruptions, but I got it done. Luckily Tia's birthday dinner was pancakes, so it was easy to whip that up in time for Gaupo to join us. I wasn't quite ready when Gaupo got home and the girls needed a distraction, so we had Tia open her present from Grandma and Grandpa. That was just long enough to have the pancakes finish and then eat dinner and do cake.

Opening Grandma and Granpa's present--a game.

Blowing out the candles.

I was a little worried with this closeness, but she did great.

She got one candle out and tired a couple of times with this one, but then refused to do it anymore.. So, everyone else did it instead.

 Sadly, Gaupo had to rush back to work and the house was a mess, but I decided there was a more important matter to attend to. That was to not let the perfectly good snow that the girls had been wanting to play in all day go to waste. So, I bundled those girls up in there new to them snow clothes and we headed out to the sledding hill. It took Tia some time to warm up to it, but she found she could just roll over when she felt unsafe and then she was more than happy to take her turn on the disc. However, after awhile I guess she got bored because she decided to take of her gloves and play with her hands in the snow. This of course got very cold and ended up hurting her hands really bad. Needless to say we had to go home and quick, but Kylee did get to make one snow angel before she went in. They did get to sled quite a few times, and it was really fun. (sorry no pics of the snow fun. With only me it is too hard to take pics and sled with two kids at night.)

Then I had to clean up the mess of the house. So, the girls watch some Thomas. This is one of the few shows Tia will watch for like 5 minutes. They watched that and then helped clean up their toys and stuff. When everything was put away we decided to play the game we got from Grandma and Grandpa. It was a pretty fun game. Then we went upstairs to finish the laundry, do baths, and go to bed. Boy it has been a day, but a great day. I can't believe all the celebrating we did on a day I didn't think would be good for a birthday celebration and truly we aren't done yet, we will do more this weekend when our Aunt Kitt is here.However, it has been so fun. Tia is such a fun girl and just played and did so well on her Birthday. She never ceases to amaze me. So, glad we have her and that we could celebrate being two.

Thanksgiving 2015

It is already the 8th of December and I am barely blogging about Thanksgiving. Part of it is because when we got back there were things to do, but also a big part is that it is really easy to procrastinate things if they are outside of my 'normal' routine. So, here is goes.

This year Guapo caved and let me attend the last Allen Brady Thanksgiving. We left Wednesday morning for Utah. We left around 7 and got to Mapleton around 2:30 or 3. Anyway, we made great time. We only stopped twice. Which is kind of amazing considering Kylee isn't in a diaper. We didn't really only plan to stop twice, but they were always asleep when it would be convenient to stop, so we just didn't. The kids did great in the car. I read them a couple of stories and we sang a few songs, but other than that they entertained themselves, which was AWESOME!! Because we got there so early we got lots of time to chat and just kind of easy into everything. It was great. That night kind of late Klaire, Spencer, Lisa, Josh, Kitt, and I played Partini. It was fun to play. It has kind of been awhile since I have had time to play games at night with my Brady cousins. Usually I am with them at reunion, so we are sleeping in a cabin and my kids get way scared if I am not with them.So, it was fun to relax, chat, and play.

Thursday dawned bright and early. I hate sharing a room with my kids. Man, they are so noisy when they wake up and Tia was up at like 6:00. Which true, I am normally up at that time, but I went to bed late and usually when I am up that early I am alone, its my quiet time. But no, not this trip. Man she found a block that had balls in it and so it was like a rattle. She was just shaking that, and touching my stuff. Kylee was up too and she was talking, wanting her clothes, and being silly with Tia. It was so loud. Oh well. Anyway, our day got started nice and early. We got up and got ready. I don't really in what order things happened, but most of the morning was spent watching kids play, helping prep thanksgiving dinner. Gaupo and I made super good gravy. I also got to help with the potatoes and get some crispy turkey skin. I loved the fact that my kids would play with other kids, so I didn't have to entertain them, I just had to check on them. For the feast we went over to the clubhouse in my cousin Brady's neighborhood. It was the perfect size for 52-ish people to sit and have a meal and play together. We had a marvelous feast, talked, went to the park, watched football, heard a mission report from my cousin Spencer, visited, ate again, and then cleaned up. It was a little crazy, but so very fun to see everyone. That night was kind of a late night too, but really not too bad.

All of us gathered together.

Jack, Mom, Me, and Lindsay cutting the pies.

The football game. That will be one sad part about not getting this large group together...the football games will be far smaller. My dad is in the red jacket.

Grandpa-Great, Kitt, Lindsay, Klaire, Mom, Aunt Karen, Lisa, Matthew and I think Erica watching the football game.

Friday after Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days, because the family is still all together, but you don't have to worry about making a huge meal. You can just be together. This year the Friday after was not quite as laid back because we got to witness and Gaupo got to participate in the blessing of Baby Ross. It was so fun to be a part of that wonderful event. I loved witnessing it. True I marveled at the difference between Ross's blessing and Dereks, but also felt the same spirit at both. It is always so marvelous to see a worthy Father take his son and give him a name and a blessing. I am so glad we got to go. After the blessing we had cookies and milk. Then we went back to my Aunt Gaylynn's and had lunch and just kind of hung around if I remember right. We got the kids down for naps, and played scattergories. I played a little longer than I should have, so my Guapo was left tending the kids which was not his preference of activities because he wanted to be where the game was happening. I tend to forget that, so I am hoping by writing it down next time that situation arises I can be more aware. That night we went downstairs and had about an hour of just Bryce time. The cousins exchange dollar presents and we had a story and a little activity. Then we went back upstairs and put our kids to bed. Then talked and visited with the Jensen's again. That night was a late one, because Spencer, Klaire, Kitt, and I stayed up talking till Midnight. It was a great visit, but man it was a rough morning.

Saturday morning we were suppose to leave and it was snowing. This worried everyone a little bit, and we chickened out and didn't go home. It turns out I-80 was perfectly fine, but honestly the webcams weren't showing it being clear, and it was snowing on either side, so how was I suppose to know. Anyway, we stayed and had a good time. It was my cousin's son's birthday party, so everyone went to the Provo Rec Center to go swimming. Luckily my cousin had extra swimsuits for the girls, and my aunt had an extra for me. Gaupo doesn't like swimming, so he just tagged along. (he promised me he was fine with this) The Provo Rec Center is so cool. it has a fast lazy river, a rock climbing wall over a pool, a pretty fun kid area, 2 big water slides, and a pool just to hang out it. It was so fun. My kids had a great time. My sisters were champs in helping me with my kids so I could try some of the cool stuff like rock climbing and then jumping off into the water and the water slides. It was really fun. My kids were exhausted after. So, we took them home and fed them real food and put them down for a nap. It was super fun. During that nap time we visited and I think we played catch phrase or something. It was really fun. Then we had dinner which was followed by more playing and visiting. I actually don't remember Saturday night too well, but I am sure we had a good time.

Kylee and Betty Jane. (I don't know if these were from Saturday, but they are from this trip)

These two love playing together and actually do very good at it.

Sunday we went to church. Then came home and the girls took naps and my siblings and I just hung around and talked. We also played Taboo and tried to come up with a dessert for dinner. Then we had dinner which a was fun and then we visited and chatted some more. Kylee took a really good nap that day so she was trying to fall asleep, but just really wasn't tired, so we let her get up and come play with Betty Jane and Allen some more before they left for the night. Sundays are so great because there is nothing really going on so the day can just happen. They really are a day of rest and such a great day of the week.

Betty, Allen, and Kylee playing late into the night.

Monday we finally came home. The roads and weather were good the whole way. The girls did really good again. We did stop for lunch this time, and we did make a couple extra potty stops, but hey it happens and really they were very good in the car. We got to bring Kitt home with us and that was great too. She helped us set up the Christmas tree and other stuff when we got home. She was a really sport to hang out with us ALL day. We loved it.

Stopped by the Ft. Collins Temple on the way home. So excited for this temple.

The whole family getting in on the action.

Kylee helping with lights.

Gaupo and Tia putting on the star.

So, that is the really quick run down of Thanksgiving. It was so good to be with so much family. I really loved being together. I loved being able to visit, play, cook, and relax. It was so nice to be at my Aunt Gaylynn's home. Her house is a very comfortable place for me where I always feel welcome. (and I don't get to visit very often so it was an extra special treat)

Getting back to life has been a little crazy. One because life is a little busy, but also because Tia has been a little crazier since. She is starting to wind down, but man it was a little crazy. It was like she could be good for a minute and then she would just go do something crazy and usually bad. However, I think we are starting to normalize which for her is still very busy, and crazy but it is different.

It is kind of weird going through the holidays and knowing that I am not pregnant and I would have been, and that when its all over there is no waiting for Derek to come. I remember thinking that the holidays seemed so far away and here I am. It is so crazy how time has literally FLOWN by. I am kind of amazed at how I am still affected by Derek's death. I honestly thought that it wouldn't change anything, but it has and always will. However, for the most part it has brought me more peace, joy, and contentment than I had before. Every time I see my girls I see them for the miracle and blessing they are. I am all the more grateful for my role as a mother. I am also grateful that I am part of a family both the HUGE ones and the itty-bitty one we have right here. I feel like I can see the blessings more clearly instead of just seeing all the problems that they cause, because lets be honest here...Motherhood is not easy and never will be. Some days you honestly want a good solid break from them. Also being part of a family isn't easy, but with all those hard things are some the richest blessings you can ever receive.

Yeah for Christmas. This wonderful time of year when we get to focus on the wonderful birth of Christ. The story of baby boy born, to save the world not only from sin, but from never ending heartache, and pain, so that instead we can be filled with peace, promises of eternity, and hope.

Randomness

Time flies around here. I can hardly believe that it is November and that the holidays are here. This past week has been pretty chill, but we have had some good things so here they are.

The Temple: Gaupo and I were able to go to the temple on Saturday. It was so nice to be able to go. We dropped the girls off with Aunt Kitt and they were SOOO excited to see her again. We were making pretty good time and we were at the temple with plenty of time to make the 11:30 session. I get my temple bag out of the car and start looking for my wallet. I discovered that I had left it with our backpack back at Kitt's place. DANG! So, we headed back picked up and luckily made it to the 12:00 session, which was apparently added, so double thank goodness. It has been so long since Gaupo and I have been to the temple together that it was really nice to be able to go together. I really wish I could go more often, but alas I have two kids and the temple is at least an hour away so all the time is not possible. I love going. I love the calm and peace that fill that wonderful building. After we were done at the temple, Kitt went. So, we didn't get to spend as much time with her as we would have liked, but we will get to see her soon.

R.S. Activity Mtg: I went to my first R.S. Activity planning meeting. It was really interesting. They do a really good job, but it led to a lot of questions that don't have easy answers. So, I am currently trying to figure out what our sisters need and how to use the extra meeting to actually help them. However, I do have a great committee and chairman. They really do an awesome job.

Missionaries: On Wednesday, I went out with the missionaries. Both of their drop-in appointments didn't answer, but we were able to go through my YSA list and learned some good things. I am not sure I could take the constant rejection that missionaries do, however, I hope one day I get the chance to figure it out.

Flu Shots: The girls and I got flu shots on Thursday. They both did really good, but Kylee was sure mad that I made her one. I think that getting the band-aid off hurt worse than the actual shot did.

Water Zumba: I went to a water Zumba class this morning. I really enjoyed it. I wish I could have stayed for the whole thing, but after the first 30 minutes my family was ready to go home, so we came home. I am really surprised at how much resistance water can create and also and gentle it is. It is no wonder that water helps things be no-impact.

WARNING: Don't but two 3-year olds and an almost 2-year old in the same room. I am listening to the noise as I write this. Although, really we never have people stay over, so I thought I would see how it went. I think it is going crazy in there.

Life is good. I still feel like it takes everything I have to just get the basics done. I am continually amazed at how hard it is to get life back on the tracks. It seems like a constant battle and honestly sometimes I lose. Sometimes I don't have the time, energy, emotional strength, etc. to keep it all together. However, I do have a great husband and kids who are very forgiving and please with what I can do. One day I hope to be able to have everything pulled together and have everyday kind of flow like it use to, but it isn't now. My sister reminded me that it all takes time. I guess it is kind of hard to be patient when there isn't a constant reminder (in my case Derek) do help me remember why its okay that life is a little off kilter. However, I still love life. I am grateful I can run, play at the park, jump, laugh, play hide-and-go-seek, and cook breakfast and dinner.

Halloween and Other Adventures

Holy cow, time seems like it is in fast forward. I can hardly believe it is November. Part of me thinks that is should still be the beginning of October. Even though time is flying we  have managed to fill it with some traditions and adventures.

Every year for Halloween our family tries to have a Halloween meal every day for dinner. We also have quite a few Halloween movies that we usually watch that lead up to Halloween. However, this year was a little crazy and we only watched two of our Halloween movies. But we did manage to have a Halloween meal every night. This year the meals were pretty simple. They were still a little time consuming, but for the first year ever I liked everything we made. Here is what we had.

Monday: Trick-or -Treat Turnovers. These are a repeat, but always so good.

Wednesday was pizza snakes. The girls did a great job painting them.

Thursday Mummy burritos. 

Friday: Meatball Creepy Crawler. Kylee helped me with this and insisted this guy have 3 eyes.

Saturday: Worms and Moldy Mac. 

In addition to crazy foods we usually have drinks and a fun dessert too.

Dracula Blood Punch

This Warlock and Witches conjured up some homemade root beer. I am pretty sure we do this just for playing with the smoke.

Tia drinking from her big cup. She loves all this related to big people.

Monster Oreos.

I really like doing these creative foods, but it is kind of time consuming. However, it is super tasty and a fun tradition.

Along with crazy food, drink, desserts, and movies we also stick to the basics of dressing up and trick-or-treating. The girls went trick-or-treating 3 times this year. They had a lot of fun each time and are still enjoying the spoils of it.

Kylee as a nice witch and Tia as a Kitty.

After trick-or-treating both these guys stripped their costumes and played. Here is what they undo spell at our house looked like.

Just in case this week wasn't fun enough we had some other adventures too. For example, Kylee really wanted me to build a "castle" for her. We that usually takes up a lot of space and time. Plus it comes tumbling down way to easy. However, I had a brainstorm and we did this instead...

Kylee and I played castle in their for a bit. Then her and Tia had a snack in there. Then they read books, and Kylee pretended to do her homework in it too. It was really fun to see how pleased she was this simple "castle."

Also, last week I had my first go at making changes to a visiting teaching board. It was kind of frustrating made more complicated by a two year-old who loves magnets and bright colors. Tia wanted the VT board so bad, and all she wanted to do was knock all the names off. Oh boy, that was an adventure. However, we did get it figured out and nothing was permanently damaged.

Friday, was Gaupo's Friday/Saturday switcheroo. We both need new shoes, so we headed to our favorite place--Sports Authority. However, they are in the process of moving so their inventory is crazy low. They literally had no Asics in my size, and Gaupo couldn't find anything he was willing to pay for. So we struck out for shoes, but we found a great deal on Rollerblades. Yes, I am now the proud owner of Rollerblades and I LOVE them. They are so smooth. They go fast. It is AWESOME. Although, it is kind of scary getting out of my steep driveway. For example, Gaupo had gotten his on and was following me and our driveway is pretty steep and then to turn to go down around our mailbox is kinda tight. Well he didn't make the turn and ran into the mailbox. Both he and it were okay. However, later I was testing things and seeing what I could do and I was trying to make the same turn and got going to fast too and ran into it. I finished it off. Gaupo spent a good portion of the evening putting it back up. The drive and that turn are a little crazy which is why if the girls are in the stroller with me I have to back down the driveway. I really enjoy taking the girls for rides with my Rollerblades and I am loving the beautiful fall days that are lingering around.

Our final adventure of the week was yesterday. We went to free day at the zoo with Heather and Matthew Merrill and their friend Issac. It was a really busy day at the zoo, but it was still fun. Man my kids were troopers. We got their shortly after 10 and then walked everywhere until about 1:45 when we headed home. They didn't even start complaining until the end. They did so great. Both were really pretty good at staying by me and we got to see all kinds of cool animals. My favorite this time were the Seals. They were swimming and barking and showing off it was so fun. I was so glad we got to go. We are really going to miss our adopted Merrill family when they move to Salt Lake at the beginning of the year.We had a great day. I actually really like the Denver Zoo. I think it is like the perfect size.

Kylee and Tia watching the Giraffes. 

Kylee, Tia, Matthew, and Issac watching the Seals.

The tuckered out crew. We were on the road for about 5 minutes or less and they were all zonked.

So grateful for family and friends. They really do make life worth living. It is so fun to get out, have adventures, and make memories. 

Fall is Here

So last week was full to the brim with all kinds of things. I had something almost every night last week. I had relief society meeting, visiting teaching, stake auxiliary training, baby shower, and ward Halloween party. I also managed to can 28 pints of applesauce. It was so crazy, but also very good. It is good to be busy with things that are worth my time. I know I should probably write about all that stuff, but really all I want to write about is yesterday.

Yesterday, Monday, was a great day. We started off the morning a little late. That has been happening a lot lately. I blame it on the cold and dark. Anyway, I asked Kylee if she wanted to run in the stroller or go to babysitting at the Rec Center. She chose babysitting. After I asked her, I really wanted to go outside but caved and we went to the Rec Center. It was actually really nice to run in my own little world. I ran three miles. It was slow, but I did run the whole thing. Then because we had already had breakfast we took our sweet time leaving. I let the girls run a lap on the track and then let them go through the bike rack several times before heading home. Once home we decided to go to the park. It was such a beautiful fall day. The sun was shinning, it wasn't cold, and the wind wasn't blowing. We had fun at the park doing normal park things like swinging, digging in the sand, and playing on the slides. Then we had to get home for speech.

However, on the way home I decided to let the girls experience walking in crunchy leaves. I LOVE walking in leaves and listening to them crunch. It is definitely my favorite part of fall. So, we were running/walking through the leaves and Kylee found an almost already made pile of leaves. Of course being the good mom that I am we had to stop and play. We threw them around, made the pile bigger, jumped in them, and buried each other in them. This made us a little late for speech, but luckily she was a little late too, so it worked out.

Tia playing with our new sand toy. This picture was about a week ago.

Kylee and Tia with leaves.

Getting ready to jump.

Speech is really good for us. One the girls love it and two it helps me be able to help Tia. Tia really getting quite noisy now. She can make many sounds/words like Go, Da (down), Ba (this is a sound and can mean ball), Ma, Help, Dad, Mom, yes, fish, food, keys, and O. She is still working on using these words without prompting, but she can say all of them quite well along with say 'ruff' for what a dog says. I love hearing this little girl talk and as she gets better I really feel like she gets less frustrated with us and life.

After speech, which included lunch it was nap time. After nap time, Kylee really wanted to fly a kite. Well the wind wasn't blowing, but I really couldn't get the idea out of her head, so we went outside to fly a kite. She loved running all over the hills by the high school with her kite following behind. Tia didn't really get what was such a big deal and it was hard work, so she was getting grumpy. However, Kylee was enthralled with it. I did convince her to go home and just play which worked out good, because our neighbor Brian had just gotten home so he came over to play with us for awhile. Finally, after all the playing it was time to make dinner. We made Trick-or-Treat turnovers, to start off this Halloween week and they were as good as ever.

Kylee 'flying' her kite.

Tia, Me, and Kylee patting out the turnovers.

The first of the Halloween meals.

After dinner, we carved pumpkins. I don't remember doing it last year. I am sure we did, but I know Tia didn't help. This year we gave both girls their own pumpkin. Kylee was totally into helping me clean it out, coloring it, and then eventually helping me know how to carve it. Tia on the other hand was all into carving, but screamed anytime the slimy stuff touched her. So, she got it stuck to her foot once and almost started crying, but calmed down. It was so funny. I guess the texture was just too much for her.

Kylee and Tia with their pumpkins.

It was such a great fall day. I really loved it.

Our Weekend--Derek's Graveside

Our weekend began Thursday after swim lessons. As soon as Kylee was out of the pool, we head to the mortuary to pick up Derek and then we were on our way to Idaho. The drive was thankfully uneventful and the girls did great. We saved a movie for the last part of the drive, and it really did procrastinate the impatient crankiness that is just inevitable after being in the car for 8.5 hours. Finally, around 7:20 we were in Swanlake. It was so good to get there. Grandma made us funky chicken and potatoes. It was super tasty and nice to have after a day of fast food/ trip food. We did visit quite a bit the night, and Gaupo worked on his homework a little, but eventually we all had to just give it up and go to bed.

I was worried about Friday. It was Derek's graveside. I was so worried that I would just lose it completely, that things wouldn't turnout right, that I would have regrets, or a bunch of awful things like that. However, it was perfect. We had a great breakfast to kickoff the day. I got some time by myself to read scriptures. In one of the verses, it mentioned afflictions and I took a detour in the tropical guide and found a couple of treasures.

1. Every time the righteous have trials and afflictions the Lord is with them. Not every time did he make them go away, or even lighten them. However, every time he was there to bless and help them. They were never alone. 
2. The scriptures in Alma about the Savior knowing how to succor his people according to the flesh. He knew about life and the pains and trial that each one of us would face, not that a mass of people would face, but that every ONE of us would. Because of the atonement he know how to help us according to the flesh. To me that means he really knows what I need in every way.
3. The part of the Atonement where Jesus took our burdens upon us. I was kind of wondering at this point why I hadn't lost my mind, or fallen completely apart and been an inconsolable mess. Or why I really did feel okay and peaceful and that even though it was/is hard that its also okay. True I wonder all the time about Derek and what would have been, but I know that because of the atonement he has literally shared this burden with me. I have not had the whole thing and because of that I can still enjoy life. I can still move forward with faith, hope, and knowledge. 

So, that scripture time really gave me what I needed for the day. We headed up to the cemetery around 10:00. I meant to be quite a bit early, but it didn't happen so we were just on time, but since it really couldn't start without us I guess we were on time. The actual graveside turned out just the way I had hoped. It was a beautiful day. Clear and warm. The perfect day (at least in my mind) for this little guys graveside. I don't need miserable weather on an already rough day.

For the service, Guapo conducted. Then we sang I Am a Child of God. Then Grandma (Gaupo's mom) gave the opening prayer. Then my Grandpa said a few words. It was wonderful. It was all about the eternal nature of families, eternal life, and that it was okay and natural for me to wonder what Derek would be doing, or how our family would be with him here. After my Grandpa spoke, Kylee sang a special number. She sang I Lived in Heaven. She sang all three verses with no help. It was perfect. I originally wanted her to sing I Know my Savior Loves Me. However, when I asked her if she wanted to sing at Derek's graveside she said yes, but she wanted to sing a different song. I asked her which one and she said I Lived in Heaven. I thought for sure on the day of the graveside she would back out, or change, but nope. That little girl knew what she wanted to do and didn't deviate and did a perfect job. Then Grandpa Merrill (Gaupo's Dad) dedicated the grave. We had a closing song, Familes are Forever. Then Grandma Hammond (Gaupo's Grandma) gave the closing prayer. Really, it was so awesome. Everything was beautiful and peaceful. 

After the graveside, we headed back the house. We had hoggie sandwiches for lunch. Which is so perfect. Hoggies are like my favorite thing. If you have good meat, cheese, and bread I am sure I could eat them everyday. So, we enjoyed food, and family. Then I got the girls down for a nap. When Kylee woke up we went up to the pond, so she could go fishing. That little girls is getting pretty good at casting and reeling. She loves fishing.

Kylee in her skirt fishing.

Grandma and I also took her in the paddle boat with her cousins and they all enjoyed that. Except maybe Arlen. I think he wanted to, but was still just a little nervous about it all. Anyway, super fun. When we came down from the pond we had snacks, and said good-bye to the Anderson's. Then we went on a "real" four-wheeler ride. For Kylee, this has to at least be up to the pond and back. We actually went out farther and I have decided that for me almost nothing is quite as therapeutic as four-wheeler rides in the quite county. It was so wonderful. The rest of the day was just spent enjoying. Gaupo and I did go back up to the grave around 5:00, just to make sure everything was squared away, but once home we had dinner and then sent the girls to bed. Then we just talked.

Saturday, we got up and going. We had breakfast and then left the girls with Grandma and went to Pocotello. I would like to say it was a for fun alone trip, but no it was business. We went and picked out Derek's headstone. I think we did a good job and I am very excited to see it complete. After we did that, we went to Winco and picked up food for a cookout and went home. We got home in time for lunch, which was tacos. Oh man, I love beans and meat on a tortilla. It was sooo good. Then it was naptime for the girls. I rested a little although, Kylee was being rather noisy and not taking a nap, so that was rough. (Sleep on this trip was just rough) However, after naps we rode up to the pond to help de-fly the cabin. We did the best we could then Grandpa sprayed fly killer in and we left to go home and collect all the stuff. We got it all rounded up and head up to the pond. It was pretty windy, but Kylee still got some fishing in. She wanted a boat ride too, but the water was too choppy, I was afraid we would get stuck out there. Tammi, Doug, Debbie, Wes, and a few of Tammi and Doug's kids joined us. It was fun. Around 7:30 we headed back to give the girls baths and bed. Everyone else followed shortly after because it started raining and they wanted to make sure they could get down the road. So, after the girls were in bed we visited and played games until everyone left and then we went to bed.

Sunday was good. Everyone in Swanlake told us how sorry they were and how they wished they could be at the service. They were so sweet. I played the piano for sacrament. I am really rusty, but it was really good to play. Church went good. Kylee loved primary and Tia really wishes they had a nursery, but it all worked out good. Then we went home had dinner and naps. Then Gaupo, the girls, and I went down to Granpa-Great's house to visit him. As always, it was way too short. This time it was my girls pulling me away, but I am sure glad I got to see him. I really wish I lived closer so I could visit longer and more often. Grandpa-great is such a wonderful man who is solid in is testimony of the gospel. It never ceases to amaze me. When we got home we had dinner and then got the girls down. Then we visited for a long time and went to bed.

Monday was definitely the hardest day. It was rainy and cold and we had to leave. It was so hard to leave. So much of me wanted to stay. It wasn't as hard as leaving Derek in the hospital, but it was still hard. It was hard to say good-bye to family and to leave my precious boy's body their trusting the Lord to watch over it. Not only was a it hard to say good-bye, but then I had the long drive to let me mind think way to much. It was kind of a rough day, but eventually Gaupo and I got wrapped up in a book and the time passed and we were home. It is good to be home. 

Being home is really nice. I went to the doctor on Tuesday and everything looks good, so I got the ok to resume regular activity WAHOOO!! wanna know the bummer...its super rainy and cold. Oh well, I can now care for my kids the way I like to. I honestly feel like I have more energy which is good, because I just got called this Sunday to be the 2nd Counselor in the Relief Society. So, life is busy which is good. I still have time to think, but not too much time. I love reading the scriptures and the Ensign. It is kind of weird looking back on all that has happened because much of it seems like an eternity ago, but I am amazed at how I feel like I have grown in the last month. Life is good, live it.

Lights in the Darkness

My last post was proudly announcing my third child, our beautiful little boy. Shortly after I wrote that post, I sent an email to my doctor about how I hadn't felt movement in awhile and wondered if that was normal. Well, it isn't and I went to the doctor and found out my little boy's heart was not beating. That was a blow let me tell you. I had anticipated with such joy our little boy coming home, finding his sisters to be oh so funny. I was looking forward to finding out how rough three kids was going to be. However, that is not the case at least not right now. I truly believe that families can be together forever. So, although my little boy couldn't come right now, I believe he will always and forever be my little boy.

I don't really want to go into everything on here, but after Derek's delivery recovery seemed to be going great. However about 5 or 6 days later I started having heavy bleeding. I went to the doctor. They did an ultrasound and say some 'stuff' still in the uterus and recommended a D and C. We felt good about following their recommendation and went in. However, during the procedure I started bleeding. They were able to get it stopped, but I lost over a liter of blood. Consequently, I had to stay at the hospital and had all the warnings they give before the procedure look like they might be a reality. But, the Lord in His mercy let the bleeding stay stopped, so nothing else bad happened. 

With those two stories there are a lot of question and a lot of things that could have led to a lot of darkness, despair and doubt but lucky there are so many tender mercies in these stories and that is what I want to share here, because no matter how bad things seemed or how scary the possibilities were I knew I wasn't alone. I knew God had a plan for me and my family and if I would put my trust in him then no matter what happened everything would turn out right.

My Lights (no particular order):

1. Timing: if something like this was going to happen right now the timing was amazing. We hadn't started preparing really. I stopped potty training Tia. My sister moved to Colorado one month prior. Gaupo had a job were we have sick time and bereavement time, so we didn't have to worry about work. Gaupo was ahead in his school work. Really a bunch of tender mercies.

2. Priesthood Blessings: When I found out about Derek, Gaupo and I both received blessings that night from very trusted friends. Those blessing brought a clarity, peace, and hope that were completely amazing. Often times they are the hope I cling to when I really want to fear instead of have faith, or when I want to question or doubt. 

3. Doctors and Nurses. I know it sounds really crazy but I met a ton of doctors. No one doctor did everything on me. I count this a blessing because they were all good doctors, but all different and handle situations a little differently. The doctor that delivered Derek was very cautious and thorough. I feel like he did the very best he could and really save me from what would have been super major complications. The second set of eyes he had did a good job in making sure things looked right. My nurse that night was exactly who I needed. She didn't push anything, but let me know everything I needed to and explained it very well. She was understanding of me and gave me some of the best advice..."We are all people with opinions about what we would do in your place, but in reality we aren't you and we have never been in your place. You have to do what is right for you." This has helped me a lot. The doctor who made the recommendation for the D and C I believe made the best decision he could and was good for check-out. The doctor who did the actual surgery I believe was who I needed. I just really feel like even though these things happened to me, I really did get the right care for me.

 4. My moments with Derek. I will forever treasure the time I had with him in the hospital. I will also treasure the time I with our little family there too. It was quite amazing to watch my girls with their little brother. I don't want to go too much into it, but what a wonderful thing.

5. My mom. My mom was not able to come when I actually had Derek, but my sister was here. However, she was able to be here when I needed her most, during recovery and second surgery. It is a true tender mercy that even though she is working, was wondering when my sister would deliver, and many responsibilities with her calling in the church. She was able to be out here with me. I needed her and my girls needed her. 

6. The Gospel. This really should have been toward the top, but it is also here because it is truly what has held me together. I do have a warning to be careful what you pray for, but my testimony of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, Eternity, and Families is stronger than ever. I love the peace the gospel bring. I love the comfort and peace the Holy Ghost can bring to my heart, mind, and life. 

7. The Atonement of Jesus Christ. I feel that even though I have hard time. There are times that hurt, that are dark, and that are scary. However, I feel that through the atonement the pain is lessened, the darkness is soon overcome by light, and that as I rely on the Savior and Heavenly Father I can walk by faith. The atonement is real and as always in grander and more encompassing than I previously thought.

Stay true. Miracles happen both big and small. God still lives and cares for his children here on earth. Life is full of joy and light--find it and live in it.

Our little family. Pardon all the weird looks we just don't do pictures very well. Although, we are still so cute!